Le UK Govarnment M8
Le UK Govarnment M8
This explainer sets out details on:
All your favourite websites and services must clone your ID
Don't worry, cyber attacks are becoming more common, so the criminals will be happy to have something to do.
To help demonstrate the benefits of the act, we have compiled a list of all of the benefits to you here.
Everyone with an internet connection, including but not limited to:
Video Games, Social Media Sites, Instant Messaging Platforms, Emails, Search Engines, Video Streaming Sites (like YouTube).
The UK Communications regulator OFCOM will be given the legal power to harrass website owners over the lack of ID requirements.
Don't have the money to add ID checks to your site? Tough, time to close the doors.
If you are facing severe depression or are suicidal, some of the groups to support you have now been legally required to close the doors or ask for ID, blocking under 18s from seeking help.
Into a niche hobby? Sorry, the groups you used to talk with are either closed, or locked behind insecure ID cloning "verification" measures.
You want to use the internet, gotta hand over COPIES (not let them check) of your ID.
Don't have the money to afford ID checking infrastructure, time to go bankrupt in fines or close the doors.
Are you a whistleblower? Don't worry, your home will recieve a complimentary visit from the NCA for speaking.
If you oppose this law, you will be labelled as a paedophile and should hand yourself into your local police station.
Discussion of bypassing this law is illegal, but we can't actually enforce it (even the Chinese Firewall is easily bypassed).
All of your conversations must be accessible to law enforcement at all times, basic security measures like encryption are not legal.
Q: Why is this legislation necessary?
A: Spying on our citizens is our number 1 priority, just like how the CCP does it.
Q: Wouldn't educating parents on using existing parental controls be more reasonable?
A: Yes, but ThInK oF tHe cHiLDdReN.
Q: I'm a journalist or whistleblower, where anonymity is a requirement for my safety.
A: Please inform your local police station that you are a paedophile, failure to do so will result in a complimentary visit from the NCA.
Q: I am struggling with depression or other mental health issues, where can I go for help now?
A: Whilst the rest of this site is satire, I'm drawing the line here, there are still some resources available for help.
If you are struggling with depression or mental health issues, please talk to someone. Below is a list of resources that will point you to help:
Samaritans
NHS